ALS Topic
15 -
The Gentle Art &
Science of Being a Better Second Best
Focus questions for Adelaide Lunchtime
Seminar, 18 August 2018 Venue: Chocolat, 281 Rundle St Near East
Tce. · Adelaide
(https://www.meetup.com/AdelaideLunchtimeSeminar/ )
Note: The
questions below are not supposed to suggest biased answers. You
really can adopt any point of view your can suggest evidence for. Do
be prepared for others suggesting counter-evidence! Note: clearly
not all of these questions can be properly covered in a meetup, but
they give us a conscious choice about what to talk about while
making the background context clearer. It is up to the people who
come on the day to choose what aspects they would like to deal with.
Focus Questions:
1. There's a gentle art and science in
cultivating what we'll always do second best. Some other bastard is
always better at it than you? That's their problem. In fact there's
great satisfaction in getting better, as well as you can, at what
the world thinks you are only second best at. You're not a media
idol? Well, that leaves you space to become better at being you.
You're not a math genius? What the hell.. you can have endless fun
exploring your own limited competence. So on the battlefield of your
life's discarded ambitions, what's some skill or quality that you'd
like to salvage and muck around with, regardless of never being 'the
best'?
2. For whatever you care to name, there's
a coven of natural geniuses out there . For them it's easy. The
trouble is, they think it's easy for everyone, and on becoming gurus
'teach' everyone else very badly at dummy level. For example, I'm
good at analysing languages (linguistics), but lousy at learning
them. No doubt I've done some awful linguistics lecturing. But I'm
still figuring out what language teaching courses designed for
dummies like me (not for the natural language learning geniuses)
would look like. What's your opinion about this?. What are some
other skills or concepts you would like to see taught in an
accessible way for dummies like you? How would you design such
programs?
3. The biggest barrier to learning
anything is being not fully engaged. (Ask any teacher about
disengaged students, including those students with a 10 second
attention span: they are a lost cause). So if we set out on an
impossible quest - say playing in a symphony orchestra if that's out
of our league - the impossible quest might soon become a major
turnoff. However, if we decide at the outset that we are in this to
develop our own quirky potential, not be a world beater, are we
likely to hang in there longer? I think so. Do you have any memories
of exiting mentally after you decided that the standards being
pitched had nothing to do with your life and ability?
4. If you are a contrarian, being cussed
can help you along. If you are a snowflake, you might melt forever.
I guess I'm a contrarian. As a 16 y.o. student, a high school sports
teacher told me I would never win a race. I thought 'bugger you' and
have been distance running for 56 years. I've never won a race,
except the race against my own laziness, and at just under 73 y.o.
have a "fitness age" of 40 (according to a Garmin tracker). What's
an example where you bucked the world's judgement and persisted for
your own benefit?
5. Richard Dawkins once wrote a book
called 'The Selfish Gene', built around the idea that all living
things, not least humans, are dedicated to absolute personal
promotion, notably success in breeding with the hottest sex partner
in sight to replicate the adorable you. Well, there are a few
modifications to this. We have a world of trophy wives and trophy
husbands, sugar daddies and sugar babes, all sublimating sex for
wealth. But apparently we are all genetically programmed to look for
'the one' which a cultural filter might interpret as the most
fertile, or the prettiest, or the richest, or the smartest, or the
coolest, or the most powerful. Take your pick. Is this another one
of those 'best' seeking searches guaranteeing misery for the
greatest number? What would you rate as a comfortable 'second best'
in this supreme quest? Would a good second best actually offer more
scope for mutual growth and happiness over time, even better
children?
6. For about a century now, there has been
an entire publishing industry developed around 'success'. Success
seems to be becoming a billionaire (Trump is your model..), or
finding a cure for cancer, or whatever. The essential magic sauce,
apparently, is that you have to become THE BEST at whatever. Which
pretty well guarantees failure. Ah, a business opportunity there
too. Since 98% of startups crash and burn, FAILURE had to be made
another brand of magic sauce on the way to success. Ergo, a whole
new publishing industry on how failure gives you the balls to
succeed. Well, stuff all that. How about having a satisfying life
just pushing on with developing your own potential? Your personal
best. So how do you yourself actually go about working on your
'personal best' a chosen area (which might be public or private)?
7. Whole countries can spend generations
sulking bitterly because they are not (or have ceased to be) Masters
of the Universe. Parents will whisper to their children that once
their nation led an empire; (it is amazing the number of crumbling
regions that 'had an empire' sometime in the last 3 thousand years).
Brits can still be stirred to nostalgia for their glory days,
Russians sink their fragile resources into guns instead of butter to
buy back self-respect, Americans descend into self-mutilation as
their 'exceptionalism' evaporates, and Chinese gloat that their
'century of humiliation' is coming to an end. Australia can only
terrorize some refugees and a handful to tiny Pacific Ocean states.
So what is terribly bad about being a 'second best' country without
an empire and weapons of mass destruction? What metrics of worthy
and civilizational success should we best apply to Australia?
8. Heaven, ah yes that biggest best of all
the best places. Do you actually want to go there? You know, singing
hymns of adoration for a billion and a billion years... Then the
most extreme opposite, Hell. Why do religions always go in for
extremes? Couldn't we set up a third way, a kind of supernatural
second best place to hang out for eternity? Where do you think the
faithful would vote to go then, after earthly death?
-----------
Extra
Reading & Thinking :
Neil Lyndon (2014) "Why it is better to be
second than first", The Telegraph (UK) @
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/thinking-man/11142983/Why-its-better-to-finish-second-than-first.html
A stray meme seen when searching on this
topic: THE BEST PLACE TO HIDE A DEAD BODY IS PAGE 2 OF GOOGLE SEARCH
RESULTS
Anne Fisher (2014) "The subtle advantages
of being number 2". Fortune Magazine @
http://fortune.com/2014/07/03/deputy-position-advantages/
Peter Horan (n.d.) "We’re Number Two!!!
The benefits of being second". AllBusiness website @
https://www.allbusiness.com/were-number-two-the-benefits-of-being-second-3876540-1.html
Sue Shellenbarger (April 18, 2017) "How to
Be the Best Deputy: When Second Best Is Best - Bosses need No. 2 to
deliver bad news and find solutions; deputies thrive out of the
spotlight and revel in details" . Wall Street Journal @
https://www.wsj.com/articles/how-to-be-the-best-deputy-when-second-best-is-best-1492529374
Ryder Ramsey (Oct 12, 2016) "15 Advantages
Of Being The Other Woman". TheTalko website @
https://www.thetalko.com/15-advantages-of-being-the-other-woman/
Ken Mazaika (2016) "How To Be the Best
Version of Yourself". Time Magazine @
http://time.com/4479890/best-version-of-yourself/
Elizabeth Grace Saunders (n.d.) "Getting
Better vs Being Good - Perfection isn't everything. By setting goals
based on improvement - rather than looking smooth - you can stretch
your potential and reduce your anxiety". 99u website @
https://99u.adobe.com/articles/7150/getting-better-vs-being-good
Belle Beth Cooper (Jul 9, 2013 updated:
Mar 18, 2016) "5 Unconventional Ways to Become a Better Writer
(Hint: It’s About Being a Better Reader)". Buffer website @
https://blog.bufferapp.com/5-ways-to-be-a-better-reader-and-improve-your-writing-in-the-process
Stephanie Vozza (17 March 2017) "6 Ways To
Become A Better Listener - Humans have an average eight-second
attention span. You’re going to need to do better if you want to get
things done". Fast Company website @
https://www.fastcompany.com/3068959/6-ways-to-become-a-better-listener
"Dude, She’s
(Exactly 25 Percent) Out of Your League - A massive new study of
online dating finds that everyone dates aspirationally—and that a
woman’s desirability peaks 32 years before a man’s does". - Robinson
Meyer, The Atlantic (August 10, 2018) @
https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2018/08/online-dating-out-of-your-league/567083/?utm_source=pocket&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=pockethits
. Aiming for whatever 'best' is in this market? Hmm, I've always
been nowheresville in the meat market so decided decades ago that
the game wasn't worth the candle, and one of the less interesting
parts of being human. Now at just under 73 I'm safely beyond any
use-by-date and can watch this peculiar hominid behaviour with the
amused detachment of a departing guest.
Seems like the good
old days might not have been the best old days. Now what should we
aim for? : Sean Illing (April 18, 2018) "Why a leading political
theorist thinks civilization is overrated - A new book challenges
how we think about human progress". Vox @
https://www.vox.com/conversations/2017/11/22/16649038/civilization-progress-humanity-history-technology
Regrets for lost empire - but what exactly
was the glory? "The sun may never set on British misconceptions
about our empire - An Oxford don wants Britons to stop feeling
guilty about colonialism. But evidence suggests it already inspires
more pride than shame". Ian Jack, The Guardian (6 January 2018) @
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jan/06/british-misconceptions-empire-guilty-colonialism
Anand Giridharadas (Jan. 20, 2014)
"Balancing Private and Public Needs - Here is a working definition
of “developing country”: a place where people trust the sushi and
distrust the tap water." New York Times @
https://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/21/world/americas/balancing-private-and-public-needs.html
Thor's
own websites:
1. articles at
http://independent.academia.edu/ThorMay
;
2.
legacy site: http://thormay.net
.
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